i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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