Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
