Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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