I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
