he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize