How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You're earring is so big in my mouth
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
