Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
