my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize