so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
