I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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