I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize