My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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