I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
