she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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