I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
