Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
