Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
