I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
