FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
