Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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