saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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