I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
