What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
