she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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