Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
