What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
