if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
