508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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