Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
