Don't make out with my wife yet
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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