Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
