i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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