i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
