i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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