How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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