I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
