my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
