I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
