If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
