I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
