I want to walk on stilts...naked
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
