Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Sober January is a disaster.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
