You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
