There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
