My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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