I bet he comes in French.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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