barbara walters just said penis...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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