Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
