he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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