So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
