I am in a vortex of obligation.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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