the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
