if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
