So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
