Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He did a backflip because drugs
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
