Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
zippers are such a cool invention
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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