its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
