Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
