Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize