omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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