I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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