I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
