GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
