Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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