we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
