So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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