Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
